Even the biggest asshole in the world has to feel sorry for this little grade school girl after she got her face destroyed by a soccer ball while trying to play defense.

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Mexico humiliated the United States soccer team on Sunday, defeating the Americans 5-0 to win the Gold Cup.

It gives us a lot of confidence,” Giovani dos Santos said. “This win was a huge step forward. We’ve been working very hard despite a lot of criticism. We showed pride and a lot of heart today. Fans, like the media, will now believe in the national team.”

The loss angered the U.S. squad.

“Look at anybody in the United States and this loss has to anger you,” the American forward Brian Ching said.

Actually nobody in America really gives a shit.

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David Beckham almost gets the shit beat out of him by an angry fan after he taunted the booing Los Angeles crowd during a match between the Galaxy and AC Milan.

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Major League Soccer has fined Houston Dynamo forward Brian Ching $500 after he used Twitter to express his anger towards a referee.

“Ref in seattle just cheated the dynamo,” Ching tweeted. “What a joke. Not even close. Ref is a cheat.”

$500!? Are you serious? How’s he supposed to live?

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Houston Dynamo soccer player Kei Kamara celebrates a goal by honoring the late, great Michael Jackson.

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Last week we introduced you to ChivaGirl “Nutmeg” Megan. This week we get to learn a little bit about her fellow ChivaGirl, Dalila.

Damn, those subtitles are a distraction. I don’t care what she’s saying!

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In this installment of “Chatting with the Chivagirls” we meet Megan. Megan’s nickname is “Nutmeg” because she’s a little bit nutty, and a little bit spicey.

Mmm, yummy!

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Manchester United Winger Cristiano Ronaldo becomes so amazed at the size of his teammates package, he couldn’t help but stare at it for a couple of minutes.

When asked about the awkward moment after the game Ronaldo replied, “It was love at first sight.”

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Let a single soccer ball touch the brand new SUV and coach will kill you.

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I’ll be honest, that almost makes me want to watch soccer.

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